Baby Shower? Maybe Not.

Okay people, so I am probably not going to have a baby shower. I just can't seem to put the thing together. I have never been good at throwing a party, even with help. So I am just not going to do it. I know this might sound bad, and I am really bummed out about it. My guess date is in...4 weeks, so I just don't see how I could put any thing together with out a lot of stress. I also have no idea how these things work.


I really only had something simple in mind. I wanted to have a coed shower, The Fox had some friends and their wives he wanted to invite, and I also have some guy friends I would miss if they were not there. Just grill out (definity with the corn), I think there are supposed to be games or something. A cake I'm sure, if the party has to do with people giving stuff, then I have always been under the impression you were supposed to have favors. I love favors.

One of the main problems is I had no idea who would actually come. I know that is part of having a party, not ever one can come, but I didn't want to put together something and no one show up. Simple fear. I have not been in contact with any one from my other life (work) save the people I am closest to. I could list all the problems and issues I am having, or I could just say this is too much stress for me to deal with.

Right now I really do not know what to do. I want to say no-go, but I also really want to celebrate the child who will change our lives. That and we do need help with the stuff. Oh well. I will just let it go.

Drive-in Movies

The Fox and I discovered last year our area still had a novelty. There is a drive-in movie theater, less than 30 miles away. Not only are the prices great 9.00 per person for two shows, you can bring your own food. The Fox and I put a mattress in the back of the jeep, pack a cooler, and get there two hours early because they fill up that fast and we like to get good...seating.


I think this will be a great place we can take Cinnabun when she is here. The Fox and I can get out, when/if she cries we will be in our own car, and I can nurse her with out people getting weird about it.

To help get rid of the poison ivy/oak I am trying a number of things. Today is the oat meal bath. I will also be trying dish soap, the green soap that is used at work, and then Ammen's Powder.

Seventh Pre-Natal Visit

I finally told my CNM about the rash. I had not told her before because I was scared it would mean something, and then I would become a 'high-risk' pregnacy woman. YES, I know how that sounds. I can see the error of my ways. I am not a 'suborn stupid' type, just a scared stupid. I took her the information from my family doctor, and showed her what drugs (antibiotics) they put me on. I told her we still did not know what started the whole thing. And again, to my ever lasting shame (what a cliché) she told me it looks like poison ivy/oak. Something so simple, so innocent. How could I have been so stupid?! I put our baby and myself at risk, because I am scared. I know I am a very suspicious, distrustful, and paranoid person, but I am careful to catch myself going to far. And this time I did not catch it. So few people would ever understand why I am this way, why I feel this way, why I don't see the harm in it. I can see how it can harm, and I usually know my limits. It has been a while since I have screwed up this bad.
It's just (here comes my words to justify) this life I carry is important to me. And I have to walk a thin line between what and who to trust. I do not have a lot of experience with the medical types, and our health care system is very backwards. I do not like how things are done today. We don't heal any more, we put out drugs. We don't educate any more, we try to fix the problems when they arise. I say when because they do, so many people take medication for what ever reason, and don't think twice about it. I am what I like to call debt free on drugs, I am on no medication of any sort. If I have a problem, I fix it. I do not need a pill to mask the problem. I fix it. It has always been important to me to know why my body does what it does.

Why are my feet swelling up? I am not getting enough water, I am sitting to long, its a minor side effect to pregnancy. I drink more water, walk more, swim more, make sure I am getting all my vitamins.

Why am I getting charlie horses/leg cramps? I may not always know the answer, why I know how to fix it. I walk more, stretch more, and make sure I am getting enough calcium.

Why do I feel like I am getting sick? The 'flu bug' has morphed again, and I am no long immune to it (my assumption). I am feeling the symptoms of my body fighting this bug. So I give my little fighter better conditions when they go to war. Better weapons, better fuel, more energy. I drink more water, get more sun, walk more, and take vitamin C.
What is the difference between vitamins and drugs? I can get my vitamins through the food I eat.
Lucky for me, this last visit with the nurse-Midwife has left me feeling A Lot better about my care with them. I am feeling more confidence and trust in them. I am happier and The Fox is happier too.

Last Lamaza Class and Meeting a Doula

Tonight was the last lamaza class for The Fox and I. He and I both really enjoyed every thing about the class, and we are really glad we went. I know some people who don't do the 'natural thing' would not like it, but it was perfect for us. I would suggest a lamaza class for every one, especially for women with men who are nervous, or don't seem into the pregnancy or birth. Luckily for me, The Fox has been with me step by step 100% of the way. He had as much fun at the lamaza class as I did.
We also met this really great lady who is becoming a Doula. I would really like a doula, but I just don't think I can afford one. There is so much I could do with that money, so much we still need. We are not rich people, and I do not have a lot of friends or family who will help us with our baby registry.
But I believe a doula is a very important member of the birth team. Maybe I can get my community to pitch in, if every one I know right now were to donate a single dollar, I could afford a doula. Do I have confidence in the people in my world? We will see.

CNA Class

Today I took the test! The test to tell me if I passed or failed the three week class.
And I Passed!!!

I am now a Certified Nursing Assistant! It was really an eye opener. The three week class consisted of one week class room, and two weeks clinical. The two weeks we worked with people in an assisted living home. I had no idea there were different types of homes. The one we worked in is for people who need just a little assistant in their lives. They are not bed-ridden, nor are they completely handicap. Most just need someone to help with all the medication they are to take. Some need help with showers, or some simple every day things like laundry. They don't have to cook, as they can go to the dining area to eat. I felt like a lot just wanted to be around other people, and it could have been easier living in a nice home. I am not saying it was easy, because there were a lot of people who needed more help than just assistants. It was a long, hard, hot, job. And we were there for only 8 hours a day. The home only had one CNA for a 12 hour shift, for the whole place. We did things I only want to do for my family. Why did I take the class? It does open doors to other jobs, and I can work on other certifications, like becoming a phlebotomist. Or maybe getting my CMA (Certified medical assistant) which is different.
I have had little if any complete thoughts about getting old, I now have quite a few. I see the way older people live in a different light, and then I find myself thinking about the way my grandmother lived in her last years. If I had known more then...*closes my eyes and sighs*
So this is a step and I know this is kind of small beans, as I really want to be a Nurse-Midwife, but to me it is a start. I think maybe I will work on becoming a CMA and Doula next. While I make my way slowly towards my main goal/dream of Midwifery.

Shame on me

I have this crazy rash on my legs. It started almost 3 weeks ago, and to my own shame I have done little to fix it. At first I had no idea what it was, but I knew it was itchy. I tried a few things (calamine lotion, ultraviolit stuff, tea tree oil), I just did not know how bad it was going to get.

As I said before, I signed up for a class and going to this has kept me from going to see a doctor. I had to log a number of hours, and I could not really miss any days or even really any time. It was a three week class 8-430. And again, I had no idea what would happen if I just ignored the rash. By the last week I was sleeping with ice packs between my legs because I could Not stop scratching. I made an appointment with my doctor the Monday following the end of the class. Over the week end my skin did a really crazy change that scared the crap out of me.

So yesterday my doctor tells me I have cellulitis. It's a skin infection. I can not say how ashamed I am that I have allowed this to happen. I have pretty much ignored a problem with my body that has obviously gotten worse. And that is not the worse part. I have put my child in danger from an infection through my body. I can't even think why any more. I am now on antibiotics, and still not sure what the rash was in the first place.

My legs are so swollen I am having trouble bending them. So I am sitting my bed, with the ice packs, hoping I have not hurt my child, and oh please make the itching stop soon.

Missed another pre-natal yoga class.

I have been wanting to go to this pregnancy yoga class for a while now, but something keeps coming up. The class is held once a week Saturday morning. So one of the big reasons I can't seem to make it is yard sales. There is a lot of stuff I need right now, and yard sales are the best.

Another reason is, okay this is really silly I know but, I have nothing to wear and I feel fat. The class would help with the fat feeling, but really I have bought almost nothing in way of maternity clothes. I have not walked into my closet in weeks now because every thing I wear is in a small pile on the chest at the end of my bed. But that is another rant.

Now I am about 32 weeks, and I wonder if I can still go. Another silly question there. I guess its just like me to doubt and hesitate being part of a women group thing.

My solution, netflix. I will get a few disc from netflix and try it at home.